I have intentionally tried to keep this blog, as well as my website, as generic and as trigger-less as possible. However, it’s impossible for me to know or avoid every trigger that every reader might have. Everyone is unique and their stories are specific to them.
I want to write a post soon about being friends with an RA survivor, but first I want to shine a light on what makes the suffering of ritual abuse survivors so self-perpetuating. I’m assuming that if anyone even reads this blog at all, there’s a 50/50 chance they even know what ritual abuse is, so education is probably never a waste of time. For an actual definition of ritual abuse, I have put one from Catfangz.com at the BOTTOM of this post (you’ll have to scroll a few times), placed there specifically in case there are those reading who do NOT want to see it. Be advised that the definition itself may be triggering for some people. If you have questions or further interest, I would suggest you do your own research. Although if you’re not up for anything more than light reading, do yourself a favor and don’t. Save it for another time. Be aware of what you can handle and what you can’t.
The point is, abuse of any kind is already traumatic enough and creates enough problems for a survivor to come to terms with. But when you add the ritual element to it, a cycle has been created – both literally and psychologically. If I am abused on my birthday every year from age 3 to age 12, guess what I’m always going to expect, remember, and re-live every birthday, even if it stops (without healing, I mean)? Abuse would be traumatic enough, and even one time on my birthday could prompt that memory on that day for the rest of my life. But when it is repeated specifically on that day for years, the schedule and cycle are cemented in my mind. There are other elements of ritual abuse that do not specifically focus on the day or time or cycle, but this is the element I’m talking about today. The main thing I’m trying to say is that sometimes survivors get SOOOOO incredibly tired in the healing process, because not only does the healing process seem neverending, but so do the obstacles. There’s always going to be another birthday. There will always be another full moon coming. There will always be a Halloween (my inside people know it by a different name), there will always be an Easter coming. One thing my system is reactive to, is spiders. Spiders aren’t even ON any particular schedule. They are random. Where we live, they are random AND frequent, no matter what you do to try to avoid and eliminate them. So there’s that: there will always be spiders, unless we move to Antarctica (which is sometimes marginally tempting). There will always be something that reminds us of something, or triggers somebody to self-destruct, or brings back connected fears and hurts and messages. This is why we frequently feel like we’re drowning. It is very much a “two steps forward, one step back” process. Some days we’re grateful to just break even and stay where we are. I guess that’s all I have to say right now. If you want that definition, don’t forget to scroll. If I think of anything better to indicate a trigger warning, I’ll incorporate it. Maybe this will do, for now. Cheers. ~J8
Ritual abuse from Catfangz.com (expanded definition at the link):
Ritual abuse is a brutal form of abuse of children, adolescents, and adults, consisting of physical, sexual, and psychological abuse, and involving the use of rituals. Ritual does not necessarily mean satanic. However, most survivors state that they were ritually abused as part of satanic worship for the purpose of indoctrinating them into satanic beliefs and practices. Ritual abuse rarely consists of a single episode. It usually involves repeated abuse over an extended period of time.
The physical abuse is severe, sometimes including torture and killing. The sexual abuse is usually painful, sadistic, and humiliating, intended as a means of gaining dominance over the victim. The psychological abuse is devastating and involves the use of ritual/indoctrination, which includes mind control techniques and mind altering drugs, and ritual/ intimidation which conveys to the victim a profound terror of the cult members and of the evil spirits they believe cult members can command. Both during and after the abuse, most victims are in a state of terror, mind control, and dissociation in which disclosure is exceedingly difficult.