You guys, I wrote Dear Little Ones because I really wanted to convey my heart for little ones in a way that could help them understand things that were happening, and hopefully bring some clarity and peace to some of the more wounded and confused insiders in people’s systems.
But little ones aren’t the only ones on my heart.
I know that guardians (or some call them protectors) wouldn’t be caught dead looking at a picture book, but I did want to tell them some things that have been on my mind for awhile now. I think about them all the time, too.
Actually I just think about all of you – collectively – and your systems, all the time. You’re never far from my mind. I want you to know I’m in this thing with you, you’ve got SOMEBODY out there on your team. I don’t know all the answers. I know precious few, actually. But I’m rooting for all of you. You’re the reason I write. So, I offer this letter to all the system guardians out there who are willing to read. ****NOTE: There is one paragraph in the letter that talks about G*d. Most of you know what I believe but that I also don’t feel the need to make an issue of it. This time I left this paragraph in because it’s important. But I noted it beforehand so you know when it’s coming so you can skip it if you want to. Please feel free to do so!
Dear System Guardians,
You may not know who I am, but my name is Jade (formally J8). I’m most likely friends with one or some of your people. We met through my blog, which you’re welcome to read anytime you want.
Anyhow, I’ve been thinking about you for awhile now, but unfortunately I’ve also been dealing with some of my own shit earlier this year and haven’t been in a place to pursue it until the last month or so. Things are starting to lighten up for me and become quite a bit better, so I wanted to write to you.
I usually know from the moment anyone mentions you that you are a guardian, based on what people say about you. I know this because I’m a guardian too, so I just understand you. I get you. Guardians are so very needed in our systems. And you’re a very, very good one.
Even without knowing where you are, emotionally speaking, I wanted to say some things to you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you’ve done for your system. For the ones you know, the ones you don’t know, even for those you don’t particularly like. You’ve done your job well. And no one quite understands how hard it’s been or how much it took to do your job well, but I do.
They couldn’t have survived without you.
I’ve always known, no matter what anyone said, that your heart was to love and protect. I just know. It’s always so apparent to me, no matter what behavior you’re displaying, that you have a huge heart, and you’re brave enough to do what’s necessary no matter what it costs you personally. Behavior is not what matters, the motive is what matters. And I know your motive has been to protect. Oftentimes guardians do not have fair choices, so they have to try to choose the least hurtful thing when there’s nothing better they can do.
I get it. I’ve been there.
The sad part is, so many people look at the behavior or they look at the collateral damage and misunderstand the guardian’s end goal, which is safety and minimizing the consequences to the ones they care about. Guardians do a very, very difficult and exhausting job and then not only do they NOT get thanked for it, they oftentimes get criminalized for it.
I know that you may be going through some anger right now. Thank you for being angry. Thank you for caring enough to be angry and stand up for those other insiders. They needed someone to come to their defense, and you did it, when no one else could. Now, what I hope for you, is that in time – only when you’re ready – you might be willing to consider any additional insights about those situations you’re angry about. You may find at some point that others inside your system, or even people on the outside, might have different perspectives that you might find worthy of consideration. This is only in your own time. There is no rush on this process. It is completely yours, and no one else’s timeline matters except yours. Regardless of what anyone else says, it’s 100% okay to be wherever you are. You don’t need to be anything other than yourself, exactly how you are, right now.
I, personally, believe in God, and if you’re interested I want to share a small experience with you in the next paragraph. Me and mine really value a faith-based approach, but I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. If you’re not interested, THAT’S OKAY! Just skip this next paragraph. 🙂
I remember years ago, when I first started considering that maybe God DIDN’T hate me, and the first time I asked him what he thought about me. He told me he was proud of me. I couldn’t believe it. I said, “But what about those times I hated you and questioned you and raged at you and yelled at you and demanded answers and was furious with you?” And what he told me was this: “You have persisted in clinging to me, in pursuing me, in refusing to give up on me. Rather than deciding I’m not worth the time and walking away, instead you used your very hatred to cling to me when that was the only thing you had, and I’m proud of you.” I could NOT believe it. It seemed too good to be true. But it was. It really, really was. And is.
At any rate, I just want to encourage you, when you’re ready, to see if anyone else might have anything to tell you about any of those situations. There is no rush. And I want you to know that no matter what anyone else thinks of you, I see you, I believe in you, and I know you are good, no matter what emotional state you’re in and no matter how you’re acting at the moment. I see past that. I see the real you, and I’m super grateful for you. You are one powerful person, and you’ve been invaluable to the survival of your system. I want to honor you for everything you’ve done for them.
I hope you can consider me a friend.