On Revealing Multiplicity

******This post mildly mentions ch*rch and d*mon possession.******           One of the hardest things about being a multiple is the lack of understanding by the general public of what it is, what it’s like, and appropriate ways to respond to the knowledge of someone being a multiple.  Most – if not ...

How to be Friends with an S/RA Survivor: a Quick Start Guide

**TW** Mentions of ab*se, m*mories, fl*shbacks, etc… Hey everybody. I’m back with some continued thoughts on doing life and friendships/relationships with people who have experienced S/RA (Satanic/Ritual Abuse).  This is not meant to be all-inclusive, but just a starting point. I can’t possibly write every single thing that will be helpful for every single person ...

Excerpts from Trapped in the Mirror

I’m hoping to have some time to work on another post about the narcissistic parenting style tonight. In the meantime, Trapped in the Mirror, by Elan Golomb, was something I read years ago. I don’t remember too many specifics, but it cast a very revealing light on a lot of my struggles. I have combined some ...

Object Constancy, Adult Version

Object constancy in adults is not something that I can find a whole lot of info about, other than a few books that I don’t have time to read at the moment, which I’m not going to link to at this time.  So I’m just going to write about my experience in hopes that it ...

The Trouble with Triggers

I realize that talking about triggers might be…um…triggering, but in that vein, I made up something pretty ridiculous in order to tone it down.  And once again, I am trying to work some things out, mentally, so I’m mostly writing to see if I can come to a better conclusion than I had come to ...

Late Night Thoughts – Therapy

Therapy, or “healing,” as we cryptically call it, is a strange thing. You mutually agree, at least for awhile, to have another person be your projection screen, your scratch pad, your mirror, your sounding board, your safe place, your containment, your own personal headspace specialist, your unbiased/ unfiltered (or at least differently filtered) perspective, your ...

The Price

Today, everything just feels like too much.  I was blindsided by this feeling.  Didn’t really see it coming.  Halloween is over.  Now that I’m out from under my family of origin, the holidays suck much less than they could. I’ve even had some fun times this year already. There is nothing unusually stressful about this ...

Physiological Challenges

So as I wrote about recently, I’ve been making some profound discoveries through Laurence Heller’s book Healing Developmental Trauma. This has brought up several of what would seem to be “side” issues, which nevertheless seem pretty big, so that’s where I’ve been camping out, trying to unpack everything I need to absorb in these places ...

Book Review in progress: Healing Developmental Trauma

Hey everybody. This is a pretty cerebral post (which ironically is a confirmation of my survival style, if you keep reading…haha), so I think we’re safe as far as TW’s go… So I started reading a new book last week called Healing Developmental Trauma, by Laurence Heller.  I’m only about halfway through it (or less), ...

My Current Attachment Mess

This post is probably going to be a mess because basically I’m trying to work some things out mentally, and if you haven’t noticed by now, I process by writing. Stay or go, whichever.  I’ve worked to make this post more generic, because although I don’t know most of my readers personally, I do have ...

On holidays and chaotic working models

Since the holidays are here, I’ve had a couple good conversations with people about what they do – or don’t – like about them.  Interestingly and unsurprisingly, their current feelings have everything to do with how things were during the holidays in their childhood.  If they had happy experiences back then, with traditions they enjoyed, ...

Baby Memories

I wrote this in shorthand (which I expanded for the post) last night while I was laying in bed trying not to lose my mind.  I think some of the turbulence this year is from having gone deeper into my system than ever, and being in contact with some of the youngest and perhaps most ...

in the dark

I really wanted to write something useful today, but I can’t.  It’s just at a point where I’m simply trying to stay out of the hospital.  The season hit me fast and hard and early and unexpectedly this year, and I can’t fully say why, and I can’t really explain anything because I don’t understand ...

The Disney Follow-Up Post

****TW**** This has pretty much the same trigger warning as the last blog post about D*sney, MC/pr*gramming, S*tanism, etc.  Subliminal messaging, television/movies/media is discussed.                   Well, I already knew that there are tons of smarter people out there who should be writing blogs rather than (or at ...

Subliminal Messaging, Disney, and MC/Programming

***TW***  This post has the potential to be triggering.  If you have been subjected to MC/Pr*gramming, RA/SRA, and/or find topics like D*sney, subliminal messaging via the media, s*x add*ction, etc, triggering, please exit the post or read with caution…                   Can a “normal” person become “programmed” by ...

Crazy Fall

(some rambling) Well, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later:  the random post that consists entirely of rabbit trails. You guys have bore (born? beared? …attention, grammar Nazis…plz respond) with me through my other posts that have been at least pseudo-coherent (I hope?), so now I present to you:  this one. I ...

Internal Landscapes

Recently the subject of internal landscapes came up, so I thought I would write a little about it for the benefit of those who do not have D.I.D…or even those who do, if they want to join the discussion.  😉 So, what a lot of people who do not have D.I.D. don’t always understand is ...

Album Review – The Undoing (Steffany Gretzinger)

I don’t usually review albums on this blog, and I probably never will again. I’m making an exception, because this album is truly exceptional. It’s one of the most amazing sets of songs I’ve ever heard, actually.  Enormous thanks to the people who pointed me toward it, if they ever end up reading this…you know ...